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How NOT To Answer Job Interview Questions

job interviewJob interviews are just one of those things you’re going to have to face at some point in your life. If you’re reading this, I’m guessing you’re facing one soon. While I’m certainly not an expert about how to act in a job interview, I’ve been on enough to feel very comfortable with the art of how to answer job interview questions successfully.

If you’ve never been on a job interview and are wondering how to answer job interview questions, here’s some advice from me to you. First of all, lie. Lie like a crazy person, don’t ever tell them anything that remotely resembles the truth. Also, talk really fast and a few octaves too high; that way they won’t really know what you’re saying but it’ll sound important. If you can, master a language your interviewers don’t know, and answer all their questions in that language. I’ve found that Swahili is a good language, as not many interviewers speak it and it generally sounds good. If you don’t have time to learn a new language, just start talking in tongues..that will really clinch it for you!

This method on how to answer job interview questions is sure to work. If your interviewers for some reason become agitated, its probably because they’re so excited about your potential. Generally, a proper response to agitation in your interviewers is to stand up and do an impression of some farm animals (who doesn’t love farm animals), make some real animal sounds and produce copious amounts of methane in the process. I prefer roosters, but that’s just me.

Back To Reality:

If you actually follow any of the above advice on how to answer job interview questions, that will be just a little less competition for me. In all seriousness, it isn’t as hard as you think to answer job interview questions and sound good. The most important thing to do is prepare ahead of time. Practice answering typical job interview questions to yourself several times before going in; job interviewers can tell if you are unprepared and it just doesn’t look good.
When you answer job interview questions, definitely be honest, and look your interviewers right in the eye. Good eye contact conveys confidence, which is something you definitely want to convey. Rely on your own natural conversation skills when you answer job interview questions rather than trying to sound a ‘certain way’. I certainly don’t mean to use slang or swear words; just talk like you would with someone you just met at a party. Your interviewers are just people, and they will respond to you like anyone else would.